Tough and Love for Mr. Sheen

Dear B&B,

What do you think of this whole Charlie Sheen situation?

Love,

Pop Culture Whore

This brings us to our new segment, Tough and Love.

Billy: Ok this message is for Charlie Sheen who should listen to me because we know I am always right. Charlie, you are a HOT MESS. No one can deny it. Even Courtney Love is looking at you and says you need to slow the fuck down. You do so much smack-talking you make Perez look like the puppy dog in the window with the waggy tail. Mel Gibson is wondering how you keep at it. You are so crazy that you make Tom Cruise look normal even when he’s jumping on the couch and zooming around the audience like he is a 5 year old pretending to be an airplane. Even Lindsay Lohan looks at you with disgust!

Blake: So let’s sit down and analyze what the problem is. You seem to have a little issue with drugs that needs to be addressed.

Billy: You do so much blow you need to order more strippers so you have enough surface area off of which to snort. Stop the snorting and start taking care of yourself! You look like you just escaped Nazi Germany.

Blake: And you seem to have a bit of an issue with authority figures like bosses and producers and your own father.

Billy: Boy if you were my kid I would slap you harder than a pimp smackin his hoes. Right now, despite the money you WERE bringing in, is sooo not worth it. You are such a selfish brat I would have to bitch slap you back to last Tuesday to teach you some manners.

Blake: We think you are a funny guy and hopefully it isn’t the drugs that were talking. But we think you need to go away... take a break.. and get better so you can stop upstaging the other Hollywood crazies.

Billy: WERE talking!? What’s this “were talking” crap? You need to stop talking first! Yeah go get some help in a REAL rehab place, not one of those namby pamby places you have in your house. One where you wake up and you can remind yourself how messed up your life is. And leave Dr. Drew out of it. He’s a loser. Shut the fuck up or lady gaga will come and make a dress out of you next!

Blake: Summary: Get yourself some help and get better out of the spotlight, betch.

XXOO

Billy & Blake