First let me apologize for being gone so long. I'm glad you aren't judging me.
Second, on to business. Have you played AC Brotherhood? Chances are that you have. This is quite a late review isn't it? Whatever, you're still reading it. So what does that make YOU? So I just started playing AC Brotherhood. It's been a while since I played AC2, but I jumped back into the game in no time. The controls are so easy I remembered them in about five minutes
Sadly, it took me about 10 minutes longer to remember that 90% of the time I hated AC2. For some reason unbeknownst to me, Ezio has a death wish. A very strong death wish. It's so much past suicide that I started to call it first degree self murder.
I'll be having the time of his life, leaping from rooftop to rooftop and all of a sudden he jumps sideways or backwards. This wouldn't be so bad, but I have to watch him fall to his death. The whole way. Couldn't the game admit to me that he was going to die and not force me to watch his crumpled body be crushed against the unforgiving bricks of ancient Rome? Is that too much to ask? I've become quite attached to the murderous hero of yesteryear, and it pains me to see him die so often.
I say that mostly because Ezio (and the face/body of the man used to model him) is quite hot. And I hate to think that I'm destroying that beauty at least every 5 minutes.
A specific example of this is when I was climbing a tower to get to a viewpoint. One would assume that would be a simple task for veteran urban climber and part time nude model Ezio, but one would be wrong. How stupid of one. As I was climbing and vocally urging Ezio to move his tight ass (seriously, why can't there be a naked character option like in Saints Row 3?) further up, he instead decides that a backflip off the tower and into open air would be much preferable. My heart slowly died in the ten seconds it took for his spine to shatter against the cobblestones.
It would be okay if this weren't a recurring problem. Later, while climbing another tower, Ezio pulled the same stunt no less than 3 times! Luckily he was still close enough to the ground for his internal organs to remain intact. UNluckily he also happened to land perfectly in the middle of a group of guards each time. Did I mention we were in enemy territory and that guards would attempt to slaughter us on sight? Cuz we were. Each time I had to make Ezio fight for his life back to the tower (and loot the bodies of course, duh).
Seriously, Brotherhood could be a great game with a few changes. Most importantly, let us play it with a naked Ezio. Some hot steamy sex wouldn't hurt either. I accept that he can't be a gay Ezio, or we wouldn't have the equally attractive future Desmond (new thought, could he also be naked?).
Oh and fix the strong suicidal tendencies of the main character. If you have time after you code what I am SURE are some perfectly toned assassin abs.
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