What a nice Wednesday (mostly)

Holy crap, what a day. That worthless piece of paper more commonly known as DOMA is no longer going to be defended by the DoJ! Wonderful news. I’ve even heard President Obama has hinted that he believes DOMA is unconstitutional. If you didn’t know (or you’re like Christine O’Donnell), there’s an equal protection clause in the fifth amendment to the constitution. Which was conveniently ignored when DOMA was written.

Anyways, there are two cases pending against DOMA right now. What’ll happen to them? I dunno. But it seems clear that DOMA is on its way out. The administration won’t defend it in court, which means that the courts will eventually repeal it unless Congress does first. And since the law is unconstitutional it seems unlikely that a judge will rule in its favor. Perhaps it will soon become known as the Piece of Paper formerly known as DOMA?

In addition to the federal move forward on marriage equality, we also have good news in Maryland and Hawaii. The state Senate in Maryland is discussing a bill that will extend marriage rights to same sex couples! Hooray! It’s virtually a certainty that the law will pass so be ready to add Maryland to the list of states you can run to get one of those controversial marriage things. Personally I can’t wait to cross several state lines with my future man.

Hawaii is also following in Illinois footsteps, as the governor has made gay civil unions a reality. Huzzah and happiness to all that enjoy half-measures. You probably know from my past postings that I’m happy with the progress, but civil unions are merely a step on the way to equality. They’re certainly not the final destination. Although they’re certainly not as bad as those movies…

Although it’s not all good news today as there’s a bill in Montana to make local laws that recognize sexual orientation as a protected class invalid. What a stupid rule. Of course it’s a conservative proposing it. How easily they forget that the definition of conservatism is to make smaller government, not larger government that interferes with people’s lives. I guess it’s pretty easy to disregard one’s beliefs when one is as disgusted by the gays as a lot of conservatives are.

-Kevin

Book Review: “The God Box” by Alex Sanchez

This review contains SPOILERS. BE AWARE!!!!!

Paul is a senior in high school in a small conservative Texas Christian town. He is a member of his church’s choir, the school’s bible club and an active member of his church. He has a girlfriend and everything is looking good until Manuel moves to town and things start to go a bit out of wack.

SPOILERS START SPOILERS START SPOILERS START

Manuel, another senior, is an out gay kid who suggests starting a GSA at this school. His proposal immediately meets with protests from the principal and community members. He is also a Christian, which confuses Paul. Manuel coming to town and befriending him stirs his own hidden secrets and shakes his faith and perceptions to their core.

Through the debates and arguments Paul slowly comes through his many layers of denial that he is gay and that he is falling for Manuel. But just as he comes to this realization, Manuel is assaulted and left for dead by two of the school’s bullies. The assault awakens the school. The GSA starts, Paul comes out to his father (who storms out of a church for him), his very accepting grandmother, and his girlfriend. Manuel comes out of his coma and Paul and Manuel fall in love and start their beautiful relationship. Paul even starts to accept other parts of his identity like being called Pablo to re-embrace his Mexican heritage he was trying to desperately forget.

SPOILERS DONE SPOILERS DONE SPOILERS DONE

This book spoke a lot to me coming from a conservative Christian background. Sanchez does a great job of laying out many of the arguments that are used by people who use the Bible as a condemning tool and he brings out even more counter-arguments. He obviously did his homework, which is much more than I can say for some of his opponents at times.

There are also many really good one or two liners in this book that make me laugh. Example?

Elizabeth braced herself on the table. "You mean you're a practicing homosexual?"

Manuel studied her a moment, as if debating whether to take her question seriously. "Well, actually, I think I've got the hang of it by now."

The one thing that I found I didn’t like about this book is the semi predictable plot line of “gay boy moves to town, stirs up trouble, befriends the one closet case, fall in love and at the end of the book the GSA is active and they fall in love happily ever after.” Also a lot of the characters are very 2 dimensional. The only person who has any real growth in the book is Paul; however this is a young adult book so I have to take that with a grain of salt.

One final thing I don’t like about the book is the treatment of the bashing situation. The bully later confesses the reason he doesn’t like gay people is that he was raped as a young boy by his uncle. I really didn’t like this because I realize that bullies are made, but there are a lot of people in the world who don’t like gay people who were not molested, touched, or have ever met a gay person in their life. I would hate people to have the impression that, like Karofsky on Glee, these bullies are anti-gay just because they were molested or that they are trying to hide their same-gender interests. In my experience, bullies do not discriminate against the downtrodden populations they terrorize. They go for the easy targets whether it be LGBT kids, the shy timid nerds, or other tokenized populations of a school.

So for this book I highly suggest it for students who, like me, come from conservative families and/or towns who are in high school or are trying to sort out the question of God with relation to sexual orientation. But at the same time don’t use this book as a straight up argument against anti-gay conservatives. Make sure you look at the passages it talks about and use the books listed in the back of the book for further research.

Sweet Dreams Boyz

Carry Thomas

Civility in Politics? Not in MY America!

I don’t know if you’ve heard of him, but Rick Santorum is an anti-gay former US senator. I love him already. For the ‘former’ part, not the anti-gay part. Anyways, some of his remarks offended one Dan Savage (I love him too, but because he’s awesome). Dan proceeded to get some internet based revenge.

Now if any of you are motivated enough to Google search ‘Santorum,’ you’ll be hilariously surprised with the first definition that pops up. I actually prefer it to #2: Rick Santorum, former US senator. I warn you however, the first definition is not for the weak of heart (or those with weak constitutions).
I am not writing this to glory over the humiliation of a homophobic jerk though. I’m here to comment on his words.

“It’s one guy,” Santorum told Roll Call. “You know who it is. The Internet allows for this type of vulgarity to circulate. It’s unfortunate that we have someone who obviously has some issues. But he has an opportunity to speak.”
Santorum added, however, that the phenomenon is an indication of “incivility” in politics. “You want to talk about incivility,” he said. “I don’t know of anybody on the left who came to my defense for the incivility with respect to those things.”

Yes Rick, it’s very unfortunate that a homophobe like you can actually be heard on the internet. Such is the price we pay for the freedom of speech. Incidentally, comparing homosexual relationships to man-dog sex or pedophilia isn’t a great way to make friends. It’s not very civil either, so I dunno why you feel you should be treated civilly when you’re not treating others civilly. I am not into bestiality, nor am I a pedophile. I would like to remind everyone that you reap what you sow, and Santorum is reaping a lot of shit (and shit-related definitions of his last name) right now.

Catch You Reclaiming your Ipod

One of the pop divas from across the pond, Sophie Ellis Bextor is one of those people I feel not enough people know about. I think that more people know about Bjork and her crazy antics than about Sophie.

This diva was brought to my attention by my ex, Fred. He showed me her music video for “Catch You” and “Me and My Imagination.” While he only told me about those two songs I had to find more of this great artist and I got hooked.

Currently she is getting ready to release a new album “Make a Scene.” She released her single from the album already. It’s called Bittersweet and she worked on it with Freemasons and Hannah Robinson.

Why do I keep her music on my iPod when it was the direct reminder of my relationship with Fred? Is it to remember the SIN-sational head he gave? Not at all, although he was quite good. I have claimed her as my own artist that I can now share with others. I know I didn’t find her on my own but there are few musicians any of us ever do.

I hope you enjoy her as much as I do

Sweet Dreams boyz

Cary Thomas

Billy & Blake: Bitchy and Besty - Episode 3 Helping Roommates

Dear Billy and Blake,

I recently shared HIJKevin w/ my roomie (who is a gay guy but not really comfy w/ that title ) & I wonder what tips you might have for me - if there's stuff I (& other friends) can do to help him feel okay in his skin?

And if you have tips for ppl like me (friends of gay men who don't feel so open, but I want to be reassuring & comforting, etc) - i'm all ears!

2010 Best Roommate Award Nominee

Blake: BRAN Congrats on the Nomination. I hear it’s quite an honor and that you don’t even have to go crazy like Natalie Portman in Black Swan. As for your question, it is a difficult answer because it depends on the person and the level of denial. Just as a note I am going to answer this from my personal experience as a gay man but I have heard similar things from bisexual guys and gals as well as lesbian women. So some guys, like myself freshman year, are just not out to our family and are working on our own identity. So we are ok with talking with friends about the cute boy we were making out with but we don’t want you to tell our mother!

Other guys are a little newer with their gay identity and need affirmation that it is ok to be gay but yet don’t want you telling the world. You have to respect this and move at their pace and not push your agenda (or your matchmaking skills) unless he wants it.

Still other guys we can perceive as gay and are either not out at all or not gay at all. This is a difficult thing to handle a lot of times. I mean to bring up the question of whether someone is gay or not is ok to do once. But asking time after time or responding with “Really?” when they identify as straight is quite gauche (your vocab lesson of the day... it means socially awkward). If they identify as straight or gay you need to believe them unless they let you know otherwise.

But with all this the MOST IMPORTANT item to remember is that you need to talk to him. See what he wants. Some people want to keep things secret, while others want to open up more. Everyone has their own timeline. I say open up the conversation and ask him what he wants. If he wants nothing then feel ok to drop the issue, but let him know that your door is open for him if he wants to change the arrangements.

However there are steps one can take to make a friendlier environment for people in general. Avoid using the phrase “That’s so gay” to describe something as stupid. I mean this is just proper etiquette Mary Poppins should have taught you when you were in boarding school in the countryside of Cambridge. But also be active in your vigilance against such phrases when you have company over or when hanging with friends. This shouldn’t be a thing you do because your gay roommate is there but hopefully it is the way you live your life. This also includes things like people making cat calls at two lesbians walking down the street, to proclaiming their disgust of Jack Harkness macking on some guy on Torchwood.

Another thing you can do is just learn more about the issues that surround his queer identity. This doesn’t mean you need to attend some anti-Prop 8 rallies or the Pride Parade, but you should learn where the LGBT resources are in your area or take an afternoon to Google and learn more about issues that concern him. Also you could take a SafeZone Training course. These courses are offered at a lot of universities as well as LGBT centers in different cities around the world. It’s a great crash course and I highly suggest it to people so you can also ask your questions and get answers in a live forum.

And finally remember that he is more than the token gay guy in the room. First off, no one likes being realized as just their token identity when they have so much else to offer. Maybe he rocks at Chemistry, or likes reading, rock climbing, computers, or sky diving. You have to see him as more than just the queer. Another thing is that he isn’t alone. Statically 1 in 10 people are LGBT so there are more people out there just like him than he realizes and even I need to be reminded of that from time to time.

Billy: …. *snore*… Hmm? Oh, my verbose colleague is finally done. Is there anything left to say? I guess I’d better write something so the boss doesn’t fire me.

So your roommate is gay, and not particularly comfortable with it yet. Old story, but every guy in that situation feels like he’s the first. Like no one else has gone through what they’re going through or can possibly understand. Typical of an angsty teenager reading Twilight, am I right?

How shall we make your friend more comfortable in his own skin? Sometimes I’m not comfortable in my own skin. I wear my sexuality on my sleeve, but sometimes I cover it up with a hoodie. This is perfectly acceptable. Gays are born actors; your friend shouldn’t have a problem with switching back and forth between straight-acting and full on queer when necessary. Is it ideal? No, but we don’t live in an ideal world.

I also suggest your friend figure out who he is. He can be gay, and still like sports. Or dislike shopping. Not every gay has to be gayer than the football team in a locker room. We’re not all the same; we’re a spectrum of difference just like every other group of people. Your friend should find where he feels comfortable and feel fine staying there.

Having said all that nice crap, I must now say that your friend should definitely have his ass dragged to a gay bar. Spin is quite nice. Every gay needs to go at least once, and it is high time your friend had his once. If he’s disagreeable, I have a pair of fluffy pink handcuffs you can borrow. I’ll help you deal with the kidnapping charges later.

This has been an episode of Billy & Blake: Bitchy and Besty. To submit a question to us please email us at billyandblake@gmail.com (no periods cuz we aren’t those kind of bitches) or at http://www.formspring.me/billyandblake Please write your name or Alias so we can best help you.

Happy Ga-day

Happy Friday everyone. In case you have missed the news, the screaming fans, the Facebook posts, the rockets streaming, or the Al-Qaida video (we can’t tell if they’re angry or really excited), Lady Gaga released a new song today called “Born This Way”. The hype has been crazy for this song. Unfortunately the reviews have been up and down. Some have compared it to “Express Yourself” by Madonna because it is revolutionary and a new anthem, while others say it sounds like it’s from the 80’s. And not in a good way.

I believe we might even see her play some of this song at her rocking performance at the Grammys Sunday Sunday Sunday! The Grammys will definitely be an interesting time.

Here it is from the queen herself. Let us know what you think.

Sweet Dreams Boyz

Cary