Living Spaces

Hello reader. I write to you now after surviving my second day of duty as an RA. After finishing my duty at 8am and passing out for a few hours of much needed rest, I hit the news stands. Or google. Whatever.

I read this lovely story on Queerty about we gays getting separate living spaces. And for a moment I celebrated. And then I began thinking about the absolute horrible-ness of this idea.

Can you imagine it? The author of that article admits that it could possibly be a beacon for hate crimes. "We're here, we're queer, we're conveniently all in one place, come beat the crap out of us!" I kid. But is it so far fetched?

But let's disregard the possibility of external violence for a moment and concentrate on the internal. As a first year RA (and a male), I've never had to deal with the dreaded... the awful... the terrifying... ALL GIRLS FLOOR! *scream* You know the floor. There's hair EVERYWHERE. Cat fights every other night. It's not the sexy dream of frat boys everywhere, it's the nightmare that even Freddy Krueger wouldn't lay a hand (claw?) on.

Now think what this would be like, except replace the girls with bitchy queens. The possibilities are endless. I hate to be stereotypical, but lets face it: men are men. And men like sex. Instead of a gay dorm, now you essentially have a bathhouse on your hands. Not only a bathhouse, but the best decorated bathhouse in the country. And impeccably clean.

I'm exaggerating of course. And the article I referenced really referred to an all-inclusive LGBT dorm, not a gay-only one. Even so, I am still torn on the issue. Would we rather segregate ourselves, or go out and mingle? Personally I think mingling is the better option.

For some people, college is the first time that they're introduced to a real live gay person! And wouldn't it be better to continue to introduce the newbs to our community? I think so. Rather than depriving them of their cherry popping experience, I think we should continue to go out into the world doing our good work of getting them better fashion sense.

Oh, and recruit them too. GAY ARMY OF THE APOCALYPSE

On the defensive

Hello readers. I've noticed something. Sadly, I noticed it and composed my thoughts about it while intoxicated. I hope you'll understand if my thoughts are slightly less coherent than usual. We've all had those moments (some of us more than others). Let me have mine.

Anyways, I went out to a bar with my cousin the other day. $1 burgers and trivia? Count me in! I was slightly late, having to take care of some last minute RA business. Yeah, I'm one of THOSE people. Deal with it. Also, it's quiet hours. So shut the fuck up. I get to the bar and sit down at my team table. I forget what our team name was, but it contained the word "poop" and needed to be pronounced in a special way to make it sound funny. Indeed, it was hilarious. I was on the end of the table next to a table of 3 older women. Little did I know the fun I would be having.

For these three women were Britain natives vacationing in America (their team name was English Roses, slightly wilted THEIR WORDS). And what makes a better impression on foreigners than getting drunk and stupidly attempting to answer trivia questions? NOTHING. Luckily, they all loved my antics and we became the best of friends. Well, the best kind of friends you can have for a single night. Throughout the trivia game, we may or may not have cheated by helping each other. What kind of hat did Jacky Kennedy wear to this event?
"Oh dear, she was our idol! It was a pill-box hat, trust us!"
And we did. And we got points. Obviously our trust was well-placed.

I even had a serious political discussion with one of the three BEER IN HAND. Who of you can say that you've done that!? I'm willing to bet that not many of you have.

But throughout the night I found myself reticent to tell them of my gayness. "Why is that?" (I ask myself in my bathroom after getting home that night) "I'm perfectly comfortable telling complete strangers, but not three delightful British ladies?" Why would I be so defensive all night about who I am?

It is certainly a possibility that they would have hated me. But what would be the difference? We all acknowledged that we'd never see each other again. I think it mattered to me because I was having a good time and I didn't want it to end. But it is also possible that I completely misjudged them. For all I know, they could tell! My orientation isn't exactly difficult to guess.

So, to the English Roses I had the pleasure to meet Tuesday night at a bar in Chicago, it was a pleasure to meet you. I'm sorry for pre-judging you. I'll make sure I don't do that to the next vacationing trio I meet.

Here we are again...

So here we are again. An historic moment for New York. I once again get to bitch at you about civil unions and half mea

*assistant interrupts*

Oh. I guess the New York state senate DIDN’T bitch out. They went the whole nine yards and actually adopted equality for their same sex couples that want to get married. Wow. I guess I have nothing to complain about (except for the continued federal discrimination against gay marriage in the form of DOMA, but hey I’ll keep it light and glittery today).

But good for you New York. I am especially impressed because you did it with a Republican dominated legislature! I watched the speech of one Republican lawmaker that did a 180 on his views of gay marriage. He got elected on a platform of hatin on us, and then admitted on Friday that he couldn’t think of a legal reason to do so!

Now that I have the option of going to New York to get married and ignored by the federal government, I’m slightly more inclined to do so. After all, everyone knows that New York > Iowa. But then that’s like saying a cup of yogurt is healthier than a big mac.

Thanks to New York, we gays (and friends) had another excuse to go out and party ALL WEEKEND. If you’re reading this blog and you didn’t go to Pride, then be ashamed of yourself (or invent a time machine and go to pride). I’m sorry to say that I didn’t get drunk. We meant to pregame before leaving, but apparently 7/11 won’t sell booze before 11am. Well PARDON ME for wanting a screwdriver with my eggs and English muffin! Is that SO WRONG!? I humbly request you all boycott 7/11 until they rethink this atrocious policy (or is it a city law?)

Anyways, we had to get on the red line and play people tetris completely sober. Towards the end of our trip to the Belmont stop it wasn’t even tetris anymore, it was just cramming us in like sardines. Or like those videos of commuter trains in Asia. Have you seen those? They actually have employees STUFF people onto the trains! We got to the parade area a mere 5 minutes before the parade started. And we stayed there the whole 3 hours. We only moved when people in front of us wanted to leave. The conversation went something like this:

“I’m feeling claustrophobic, but at least there’s a nice breeze.”
“The people in front of us are leaving.”
“GET CLOSER!”

We got as close as 4 people away from the barriers. There was a guy behind us with a water bottle full of lemon flavored vodka that he was kind enough to share with us. We also met a nice lady whose name I forgot. She was behind us for almost 2.5 hours. Even though I can’t remember her name, we’re best friends now. I do remember that she was celebrating her 21st birthday (but she admitted that it’s not the first time for her).

So thank you New York and Pride weekend, you definitely gave me the recharge I needed this weekend. Next year we’ll definitely be more prepared. The alcohol will be bought the night before, and we’re going early to get a spot at a bar. Or we’ll pack some water bottles like Mr. Lemon Vodka. But at least I ended the weekend up one nice rainbow flag. I asked my friends to get me a rainbow necklace too, but they couldn't manage it. I promise to get pictures next year!

Long time no see.

It's been a loooooong time. How have you been? Did you catch my Portal
2 reference there? Have you been in a coma for a long time?

If you have been in a coma due to an awful car accident, feel freento
ignore this. It's not very well written anyways. I'll give all you
ex-coma patients a moment to clear out.

So yeah. I haven't written anything in a while. I'm sorry. That's
going to change. School kinda ate my life for a while. I'm planning to
add an "About Us" section, with some information about the writers.
You should read it (when it's done).

I also want to get some additional writers. Do you think you have
something to add? Are you attractive and willing to sleep with me for
the chance to write on this blog?* Then you should contact me and I'll
set it up.

So yeah. That's it for now. If one of you would tell the comies that
they can come back that'd be great.

Republicans decide to forego being Republicans to continue hating gays

So the Republican controlled House decided to defend DOMA themselves because Obama decided (correctly) not to do so himself. You can see the Washington Post article here. I'm honestly a bit confused as to how they can continue calling themselves conservatives, when they not.

That's not entirely true, I'll give them some credit. They're conservatives when it's convenient for them. I'm sure they're all very conservative around election time, when they need to rouse their ultra-conservative fan base by deception. We saw that with McCain's apeshit-crazy phase, that suspiciously only lasted during election season.

But now, they've decided to abandon their conservative principles. I guess it's pretty easy to abandon the core values of one's political party when you're as personally disgusted and afraid of gay people as most Republicans are.

I could be confused, but isn't the Republican party in favor of smaller government and decreased spending? Not to mention lowering taxes (but only for the rich) and increasing state's rights. We've heard arguments again and a again (every time marriage equality comes up really) that states should be able to decide for themselves whether they want to give gays the rights that straights enjoy. Nevermind that the rights of the few should never be put to the vote of the many. Yet here they are, forcing DOMA on all of the states! Why the hypocrisy?

Well because everyone should hate the gays of course! Or at least Boehner (ha, boner) thinks so. Which brings us to several Republicans fighting to keep a larger government. And using taxpayer dollars to do it. Hmm, I've heard on the internet that that's called "doin it rong." You're foolishly throwing away taxpayer dollars on frivolities, something you regularly accuse the Democrats of doing.

I'm sorry to say that I'm not surprised at this turn of events. It's quite easy to argue for a smaller government as long as you're not planning to get rid of any part of government that you like. Yes, "let's get rid of healthcare for everyone but damnit we need to spend millions on making sure gays can't get married!" makes tons of sense. I think that made sense to some stoner in California.

It's one thing to demand the government spend less. I'm completely in favor of decreased government spending. Hell, I wouldn't mind lower taxes either. Unfortunately, the Republicans disagree with me. And they're willing to ignore their beliefs when it's comes to keeping rights away from us. Like in Wisconsin.

Have a good weekend everyone!
-Kevin

Tough and Love for Mr. Sheen

Dear B&B,

What do you think of this whole Charlie Sheen situation?

Love,

Pop Culture Whore

This brings us to our new segment, Tough and Love.

Billy: Ok this message is for Charlie Sheen who should listen to me because we know I am always right. Charlie, you are a HOT MESS. No one can deny it. Even Courtney Love is looking at you and says you need to slow the fuck down. You do so much smack-talking you make Perez look like the puppy dog in the window with the waggy tail. Mel Gibson is wondering how you keep at it. You are so crazy that you make Tom Cruise look normal even when he’s jumping on the couch and zooming around the audience like he is a 5 year old pretending to be an airplane. Even Lindsay Lohan looks at you with disgust!

Blake: So let’s sit down and analyze what the problem is. You seem to have a little issue with drugs that needs to be addressed.

Billy: You do so much blow you need to order more strippers so you have enough surface area off of which to snort. Stop the snorting and start taking care of yourself! You look like you just escaped Nazi Germany.

Blake: And you seem to have a bit of an issue with authority figures like bosses and producers and your own father.

Billy: Boy if you were my kid I would slap you harder than a pimp smackin his hoes. Right now, despite the money you WERE bringing in, is sooo not worth it. You are such a selfish brat I would have to bitch slap you back to last Tuesday to teach you some manners.

Blake: We think you are a funny guy and hopefully it isn’t the drugs that were talking. But we think you need to go away... take a break.. and get better so you can stop upstaging the other Hollywood crazies.

Billy: WERE talking!? What’s this “were talking” crap? You need to stop talking first! Yeah go get some help in a REAL rehab place, not one of those namby pamby places you have in your house. One where you wake up and you can remind yourself how messed up your life is. And leave Dr. Drew out of it. He’s a loser. Shut the fuck up or lady gaga will come and make a dress out of you next!

Blake: Summary: Get yourself some help and get better out of the spotlight, betch.

XXOO

Billy & Blake

What a nice Wednesday (mostly)

Holy crap, what a day. That worthless piece of paper more commonly known as DOMA is no longer going to be defended by the DoJ! Wonderful news. I’ve even heard President Obama has hinted that he believes DOMA is unconstitutional. If you didn’t know (or you’re like Christine O’Donnell), there’s an equal protection clause in the fifth amendment to the constitution. Which was conveniently ignored when DOMA was written.

Anyways, there are two cases pending against DOMA right now. What’ll happen to them? I dunno. But it seems clear that DOMA is on its way out. The administration won’t defend it in court, which means that the courts will eventually repeal it unless Congress does first. And since the law is unconstitutional it seems unlikely that a judge will rule in its favor. Perhaps it will soon become known as the Piece of Paper formerly known as DOMA?

In addition to the federal move forward on marriage equality, we also have good news in Maryland and Hawaii. The state Senate in Maryland is discussing a bill that will extend marriage rights to same sex couples! Hooray! It’s virtually a certainty that the law will pass so be ready to add Maryland to the list of states you can run to get one of those controversial marriage things. Personally I can’t wait to cross several state lines with my future man.

Hawaii is also following in Illinois footsteps, as the governor has made gay civil unions a reality. Huzzah and happiness to all that enjoy half-measures. You probably know from my past postings that I’m happy with the progress, but civil unions are merely a step on the way to equality. They’re certainly not the final destination. Although they’re certainly not as bad as those movies…

Although it’s not all good news today as there’s a bill in Montana to make local laws that recognize sexual orientation as a protected class invalid. What a stupid rule. Of course it’s a conservative proposing it. How easily they forget that the definition of conservatism is to make smaller government, not larger government that interferes with people’s lives. I guess it’s pretty easy to disregard one’s beliefs when one is as disgusted by the gays as a lot of conservatives are.

-Kevin

Book Review: “The God Box” by Alex Sanchez

This review contains SPOILERS. BE AWARE!!!!!

Paul is a senior in high school in a small conservative Texas Christian town. He is a member of his church’s choir, the school’s bible club and an active member of his church. He has a girlfriend and everything is looking good until Manuel moves to town and things start to go a bit out of wack.

SPOILERS START SPOILERS START SPOILERS START

Manuel, another senior, is an out gay kid who suggests starting a GSA at this school. His proposal immediately meets with protests from the principal and community members. He is also a Christian, which confuses Paul. Manuel coming to town and befriending him stirs his own hidden secrets and shakes his faith and perceptions to their core.

Through the debates and arguments Paul slowly comes through his many layers of denial that he is gay and that he is falling for Manuel. But just as he comes to this realization, Manuel is assaulted and left for dead by two of the school’s bullies. The assault awakens the school. The GSA starts, Paul comes out to his father (who storms out of a church for him), his very accepting grandmother, and his girlfriend. Manuel comes out of his coma and Paul and Manuel fall in love and start their beautiful relationship. Paul even starts to accept other parts of his identity like being called Pablo to re-embrace his Mexican heritage he was trying to desperately forget.

SPOILERS DONE SPOILERS DONE SPOILERS DONE

This book spoke a lot to me coming from a conservative Christian background. Sanchez does a great job of laying out many of the arguments that are used by people who use the Bible as a condemning tool and he brings out even more counter-arguments. He obviously did his homework, which is much more than I can say for some of his opponents at times.

There are also many really good one or two liners in this book that make me laugh. Example?

Elizabeth braced herself on the table. "You mean you're a practicing homosexual?"

Manuel studied her a moment, as if debating whether to take her question seriously. "Well, actually, I think I've got the hang of it by now."

The one thing that I found I didn’t like about this book is the semi predictable plot line of “gay boy moves to town, stirs up trouble, befriends the one closet case, fall in love and at the end of the book the GSA is active and they fall in love happily ever after.” Also a lot of the characters are very 2 dimensional. The only person who has any real growth in the book is Paul; however this is a young adult book so I have to take that with a grain of salt.

One final thing I don’t like about the book is the treatment of the bashing situation. The bully later confesses the reason he doesn’t like gay people is that he was raped as a young boy by his uncle. I really didn’t like this because I realize that bullies are made, but there are a lot of people in the world who don’t like gay people who were not molested, touched, or have ever met a gay person in their life. I would hate people to have the impression that, like Karofsky on Glee, these bullies are anti-gay just because they were molested or that they are trying to hide their same-gender interests. In my experience, bullies do not discriminate against the downtrodden populations they terrorize. They go for the easy targets whether it be LGBT kids, the shy timid nerds, or other tokenized populations of a school.

So for this book I highly suggest it for students who, like me, come from conservative families and/or towns who are in high school or are trying to sort out the question of God with relation to sexual orientation. But at the same time don’t use this book as a straight up argument against anti-gay conservatives. Make sure you look at the passages it talks about and use the books listed in the back of the book for further research.

Sweet Dreams Boyz

Carry Thomas

Civility in Politics? Not in MY America!

I don’t know if you’ve heard of him, but Rick Santorum is an anti-gay former US senator. I love him already. For the ‘former’ part, not the anti-gay part. Anyways, some of his remarks offended one Dan Savage (I love him too, but because he’s awesome). Dan proceeded to get some internet based revenge.

Now if any of you are motivated enough to Google search ‘Santorum,’ you’ll be hilariously surprised with the first definition that pops up. I actually prefer it to #2: Rick Santorum, former US senator. I warn you however, the first definition is not for the weak of heart (or those with weak constitutions).
I am not writing this to glory over the humiliation of a homophobic jerk though. I’m here to comment on his words.

“It’s one guy,” Santorum told Roll Call. “You know who it is. The Internet allows for this type of vulgarity to circulate. It’s unfortunate that we have someone who obviously has some issues. But he has an opportunity to speak.”
Santorum added, however, that the phenomenon is an indication of “incivility” in politics. “You want to talk about incivility,” he said. “I don’t know of anybody on the left who came to my defense for the incivility with respect to those things.”

Yes Rick, it’s very unfortunate that a homophobe like you can actually be heard on the internet. Such is the price we pay for the freedom of speech. Incidentally, comparing homosexual relationships to man-dog sex or pedophilia isn’t a great way to make friends. It’s not very civil either, so I dunno why you feel you should be treated civilly when you’re not treating others civilly. I am not into bestiality, nor am I a pedophile. I would like to remind everyone that you reap what you sow, and Santorum is reaping a lot of shit (and shit-related definitions of his last name) right now.

Catch You Reclaiming your Ipod

One of the pop divas from across the pond, Sophie Ellis Bextor is one of those people I feel not enough people know about. I think that more people know about Bjork and her crazy antics than about Sophie.

This diva was brought to my attention by my ex, Fred. He showed me her music video for “Catch You” and “Me and My Imagination.” While he only told me about those two songs I had to find more of this great artist and I got hooked.

Currently she is getting ready to release a new album “Make a Scene.” She released her single from the album already. It’s called Bittersweet and she worked on it with Freemasons and Hannah Robinson.

Why do I keep her music on my iPod when it was the direct reminder of my relationship with Fred? Is it to remember the SIN-sational head he gave? Not at all, although he was quite good. I have claimed her as my own artist that I can now share with others. I know I didn’t find her on my own but there are few musicians any of us ever do.

I hope you enjoy her as much as I do

Sweet Dreams boyz

Cary Thomas

Billy & Blake: Bitchy and Besty - Episode 3 Helping Roommates

Dear Billy and Blake,

I recently shared HIJKevin w/ my roomie (who is a gay guy but not really comfy w/ that title ) & I wonder what tips you might have for me - if there's stuff I (& other friends) can do to help him feel okay in his skin?

And if you have tips for ppl like me (friends of gay men who don't feel so open, but I want to be reassuring & comforting, etc) - i'm all ears!

2010 Best Roommate Award Nominee

Blake: BRAN Congrats on the Nomination. I hear it’s quite an honor and that you don’t even have to go crazy like Natalie Portman in Black Swan. As for your question, it is a difficult answer because it depends on the person and the level of denial. Just as a note I am going to answer this from my personal experience as a gay man but I have heard similar things from bisexual guys and gals as well as lesbian women. So some guys, like myself freshman year, are just not out to our family and are working on our own identity. So we are ok with talking with friends about the cute boy we were making out with but we don’t want you to tell our mother!

Other guys are a little newer with their gay identity and need affirmation that it is ok to be gay but yet don’t want you telling the world. You have to respect this and move at their pace and not push your agenda (or your matchmaking skills) unless he wants it.

Still other guys we can perceive as gay and are either not out at all or not gay at all. This is a difficult thing to handle a lot of times. I mean to bring up the question of whether someone is gay or not is ok to do once. But asking time after time or responding with “Really?” when they identify as straight is quite gauche (your vocab lesson of the day... it means socially awkward). If they identify as straight or gay you need to believe them unless they let you know otherwise.

But with all this the MOST IMPORTANT item to remember is that you need to talk to him. See what he wants. Some people want to keep things secret, while others want to open up more. Everyone has their own timeline. I say open up the conversation and ask him what he wants. If he wants nothing then feel ok to drop the issue, but let him know that your door is open for him if he wants to change the arrangements.

However there are steps one can take to make a friendlier environment for people in general. Avoid using the phrase “That’s so gay” to describe something as stupid. I mean this is just proper etiquette Mary Poppins should have taught you when you were in boarding school in the countryside of Cambridge. But also be active in your vigilance against such phrases when you have company over or when hanging with friends. This shouldn’t be a thing you do because your gay roommate is there but hopefully it is the way you live your life. This also includes things like people making cat calls at two lesbians walking down the street, to proclaiming their disgust of Jack Harkness macking on some guy on Torchwood.

Another thing you can do is just learn more about the issues that surround his queer identity. This doesn’t mean you need to attend some anti-Prop 8 rallies or the Pride Parade, but you should learn where the LGBT resources are in your area or take an afternoon to Google and learn more about issues that concern him. Also you could take a SafeZone Training course. These courses are offered at a lot of universities as well as LGBT centers in different cities around the world. It’s a great crash course and I highly suggest it to people so you can also ask your questions and get answers in a live forum.

And finally remember that he is more than the token gay guy in the room. First off, no one likes being realized as just their token identity when they have so much else to offer. Maybe he rocks at Chemistry, or likes reading, rock climbing, computers, or sky diving. You have to see him as more than just the queer. Another thing is that he isn’t alone. Statically 1 in 10 people are LGBT so there are more people out there just like him than he realizes and even I need to be reminded of that from time to time.

Billy: …. *snore*… Hmm? Oh, my verbose colleague is finally done. Is there anything left to say? I guess I’d better write something so the boss doesn’t fire me.

So your roommate is gay, and not particularly comfortable with it yet. Old story, but every guy in that situation feels like he’s the first. Like no one else has gone through what they’re going through or can possibly understand. Typical of an angsty teenager reading Twilight, am I right?

How shall we make your friend more comfortable in his own skin? Sometimes I’m not comfortable in my own skin. I wear my sexuality on my sleeve, but sometimes I cover it up with a hoodie. This is perfectly acceptable. Gays are born actors; your friend shouldn’t have a problem with switching back and forth between straight-acting and full on queer when necessary. Is it ideal? No, but we don’t live in an ideal world.

I also suggest your friend figure out who he is. He can be gay, and still like sports. Or dislike shopping. Not every gay has to be gayer than the football team in a locker room. We’re not all the same; we’re a spectrum of difference just like every other group of people. Your friend should find where he feels comfortable and feel fine staying there.

Having said all that nice crap, I must now say that your friend should definitely have his ass dragged to a gay bar. Spin is quite nice. Every gay needs to go at least once, and it is high time your friend had his once. If he’s disagreeable, I have a pair of fluffy pink handcuffs you can borrow. I’ll help you deal with the kidnapping charges later.

This has been an episode of Billy & Blake: Bitchy and Besty. To submit a question to us please email us at billyandblake@gmail.com (no periods cuz we aren’t those kind of bitches) or at http://www.formspring.me/billyandblake Please write your name or Alias so we can best help you.