Civil Unions Bill

So if you’ve been living under a rock (or perhaps a shit ton of snow?) then you might not have realized that Illinois’ same sex inclusive civil union bill was signed into law on Tuesday. Much hoorah. Cue the religious conservatives that will point to the THUNDERSNOW and call it God’s wrath for treating us homos like we’re people. That hasn’t happened yet, but I won’t be surprised if it does.

“Gee Kevin, you don’t sound happy that you can get civilly unioned! You just won a major victory!”

Yes of course. I do enjoy the step up from no legal standing at all. Second class is THAT much better than third. I wonder if the airlines even distinguish between the two? Does second class get 2 more inches of leg room? 2 inches means a lot more in the pants than in the legs. Yes everyone, we can get united civilly. And I’m greatly happy for everyone that wants that. But when I envision getting engaged, I don’t hear “Kevin… will you civilly union me?” Does that sound right to anyone? My response would be, “Well. I’ll do the union part, but I’m a pretty big bitch so I can’t promise to be civil about it.”

Why am I less than 100% thrilled about this? Well as this LINK will tell you, we’re still not equal. Civil unions are a half-measure. Designed to give us some of what we want to make us stop complaining, and showing the religious nuts that don’t want us getting married that we still can’t. I’m all for compromise, but more on sharing twinkies and less on civil rights. Sure I’ll give you half of my delicious twinkie, but I refuse to give up on my full civil rights for things like civil unions.

Do I think that civil unions are a completely terrible idea? No. Some couples would prefer to get a civil union rather than a marriage. Good, fine, kudos, snaps to them. I’m just saying that I would rather be married than unioned. If civil unions were equal to marriages then I’d be slightly more agreeable. But even then, we arrive at the “separate but equal” argument. Even if they held the same rights, responsibilities, and benefits, I don’t think they’d be equal. People bring their kids up to look forward to being married. Civil unions will never be socially equal even if they someday become legally equal.

So I celebrate for everyone that is perfectly happy with being allowed to union civilly. I will remain unsatisfied for now. I’ll stop depressing you all, please return to your scheduled PLAYING IN THE SNOW! Seriously, I hope we get 20 inches of THUNDERSNOW at least once a year from now on.

-Kevin