Another song that is on my ipod is NoFX’s Leaving Jesusland. This song is from my friend Jesse. He was my crush freshman year of college. This song is loud, angry and punk. This song is very unlike the rest of the songs on my iPod.
So who is Jesse? Just like the song, he pushed the limits of what I thought proper young gentlemen that I wanted to date are like. When I started school freshman year I was young, naïve, and bursting to get out and meet some gay people. Coming from my background of a conservative town where the closest thing to gay was hearing Elton John on the radio or watching Will and Grace on TV. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect since I didn’t even have Queer as Folk. So off I went bounding for our campus’s gay group the first week of class. That’s where I met Jesse, a TA who was new to UIC already making out with a short guy from the group. Jesse had at one point several piercings that were not on his ears. He listened to punk rock (obviously) was very anti-established religion and anti-straight and anti-everything and yet was everything I wanted to be with. He never went that long without a boyfriend. After short Asian there was a stint with crazy boyfriend with a Mohawk (they moved in together after a few weeks…) and then they broke up. He moved out and got a place of his own and was flirting with
a few separate groups of people while being single for two months.
It was in that two month period that I fell for him, hard. I gathered my courage and I made a move. The initial move was to invite him to a party. We stopped at my parents’ place where he met them and thoroughly upset and shocked my mother. Then I asked him out, was promptly shot down, and fell into an emo state filled with Imogen Heap (which Jesse also introduced me
to.)
Why do I keep this song: As a personal rebellion to my not quite so supportive parents. While I would never play this while they’re around, whenever I have a rather bad phone call or conversation with them I just play it to “give em the finger”. Another reason is to just remember to push the limits sometimes in my life. I am a very reserved person for those who know me. Every once in a while one has to get outside of one’s comfort zone. How else would I get outside this messed up Bible Belt?
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
This Week: Daddy
This week is brought to you by the gay “Daddy”. Daddy, the older man with old money, old cars and old wrinkly balls. Daddies, just like one’s father, give you money, love and affection but these do it without pesky things like mothers and crazy relatives. And all it will cost you will be to give into all his sexual demands… which if you are lucky are few, at least if you cut off his supply of Viagra sooner vs. later.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Star Trek and the Gays
Are any of you big Star Trek fans? I know I am. Which means you should be too. You’re reading my blog, so do what I say. That’s how it works. So yeah, Star Trek. It’s a great series, and groundbreaking in some ways too. Did you know that Star Trek is the first show that did an inter-racial kiss on TELEVISION!? Well now you do. At the time that was so earth shattering that it nearly didn’t happen. Luckily Gene Roddenberry isn’t a pushover.
On the issue of gays in space, Star Trek was considerably quieter. Having grown up with Star Trek as a child, I never thought about it. Not knowing what gay meant, I didn’t know to look for its absence. In fact, I can recall only a few shallow instances in which the sexuality of characters was explored.
The original Star Trek came too early for such experimentation. God forbid American citizens see someone different from themselves in the 60’s. It might have caused mass panic, or just riots and protests and a cancelled show. But The Next Generation lightly touched on the subject when Riker fell in love with a member of an androgynous race. I guess doing a guy doing an “it” is more acceptable than doing another guy. Of course, the gender neutral love interest was played by a woman to avoid involving the gays.
After TNG came Deep Space Nine. It diverged from the beaten path of its predecessors by not changing the setting after each episode. Once it became established, DS9 began exploring things the rest of the series never dealt with. War, death, genocide, politics were all subjects shown to viewers. In several of its alternate universe episodes one of the female characters is shown hitting on another female character while being “attended to” by scantily clad males. What a scandal. The real swing at gay issues came when Dax met the present day host of one of its ex-wives. Of course Dax was now a female, and so was her ex-significant other. AND THEN THEY KISSED ON TV. I don’t think it was the first lesbian kiss on TV, but it was well done at least. Having viewed the special features (yeah, I’m that big a Trekkie), the actresses said that it was very tastefully done. Their director did everything he could to make them both feel comfortable, and they treated it as just another part of the job.
After all the shows ended, I began (who am I kidding) reading the novels based on the series. Star Trek: SCE has TWO GAY CHARACTERS! And this isn’t fan fiction either. The gay storylines included in the series are idealized of course, just like everything else in the Trek universe. But it’s nice to read a book about a series I love that I can really relate to.
Are you wondering what brought all this up? I recently read a quotation on Queerty talking about the lack of gay characters on the various Trek series. Braga, one of the writers and producers of Star Trek, tried to explain why we were never included in the shows. And he’s right, in Ten-Forward we never saw homosexual couples being lovey-dovey. We were always seeing heteros. Should we have been included? I think so. Surely it wouldn’t have caused such a huge ruckus to see two guys kissing in the background while Troi indulged in some chocolate!
Does our absence from Star Trek make it less of a show? My answer is: absolutely not. Oh, and Star Trek totally kicks Star Wars’ ass. No contest.
-Kevin
On the issue of gays in space, Star Trek was considerably quieter. Having grown up with Star Trek as a child, I never thought about it. Not knowing what gay meant, I didn’t know to look for its absence. In fact, I can recall only a few shallow instances in which the sexuality of characters was explored.
The original Star Trek came too early for such experimentation. God forbid American citizens see someone different from themselves in the 60’s. It might have caused mass panic, or just riots and protests and a cancelled show. But The Next Generation lightly touched on the subject when Riker fell in love with a member of an androgynous race. I guess doing a guy doing an “it” is more acceptable than doing another guy. Of course, the gender neutral love interest was played by a woman to avoid involving the gays.
After TNG came Deep Space Nine. It diverged from the beaten path of its predecessors by not changing the setting after each episode. Once it became established, DS9 began exploring things the rest of the series never dealt with. War, death, genocide, politics were all subjects shown to viewers. In several of its alternate universe episodes one of the female characters is shown hitting on another female character while being “attended to” by scantily clad males. What a scandal. The real swing at gay issues came when Dax met the present day host of one of its ex-wives. Of course Dax was now a female, and so was her ex-significant other. AND THEN THEY KISSED ON TV. I don’t think it was the first lesbian kiss on TV, but it was well done at least. Having viewed the special features (yeah, I’m that big a Trekkie), the actresses said that it was very tastefully done. Their director did everything he could to make them both feel comfortable, and they treated it as just another part of the job.
After all the shows ended, I began (who am I kidding) reading the novels based on the series. Star Trek: SCE has TWO GAY CHARACTERS! And this isn’t fan fiction either. The gay storylines included in the series are idealized of course, just like everything else in the Trek universe. But it’s nice to read a book about a series I love that I can really relate to.
Are you wondering what brought all this up? I recently read a quotation on Queerty talking about the lack of gay characters on the various Trek series. Braga, one of the writers and producers of Star Trek, tried to explain why we were never included in the shows. And he’s right, in Ten-Forward we never saw homosexual couples being lovey-dovey. We were always seeing heteros. Should we have been included? I think so. Surely it wouldn’t have caused such a huge ruckus to see two guys kissing in the background while Troi indulged in some chocolate!
Does our absence from Star Trek make it less of a show? My answer is: absolutely not. Oh, and Star Trek totally kicks Star Wars’ ass. No contest.
-Kevin
Sunday, January 23, 2011
This Week: Gaymers
This week is brought to you by the word “Gaymer”. Just when you thought all gay men wear Armani… these boys would prefer to wear a triforce. Gaymers prefer hanging out with Mario and Lugi vs Rick and Steve, regardless of how hot Rick and Steve may be. Gaymers prefer talking to virtual fairies like Navi and learning languages like Klingon. Gaymers prefer saving Princess Peach once again than rescuing a queen from a bear in a bar. Without them who would fix the gay porn sites?
This Week is a new weekly blurb to help educate in a comic way about different communities, words, events, actions within the Queer Community. Some are more funny views and some are more serious. If you have a desired topic, word, etc that you would liked defined, parodied or butchered please leave a comment.
This Week is a new weekly blurb to help educate in a comic way about different communities, words, events, actions within the Queer Community. Some are more funny views and some are more serious. If you have a desired topic, word, etc that you would liked defined, parodied or butchered please leave a comment.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Billy & Blake: Bitchy and Besty - Episode 1 Helping Useless
Dear Billy and Blake:
My girlfriend’s birthday is coming up and I don’t know what to give her. I want her to never forget the evening. Do you have any ideas?
Totally Useless
Blake: Well Useless you have called the right queens for this job. Welcome to Billy & Blake’s One Stop Shop for the Fabulous and Unforgettable Gifts. Let’s see we are fresh out of Amazing African Safaris…. Oprah and Gale took the last one… and we are plumb out of Beautiful Boat Trips…. You could go for the never forgettable carats, carats and carats…. But only if you mean to put a ring on it.
But seriously before we start this thing out right and get doves (they take so freaking long to plan for you have NO idea) Lets start out by starting out that you, sir, are NOT completely useless. I mean you remember your special lady’s birthday. That is quite an accomplishment for a straight man on his own, unless her mother, best friend and she have all been bugging you up the wazoo…. Or that you wrote this email to us the day of … in which case… well honestly my dear you are screwed more than the evil witch of the west in a downpour.
First off gifts need to come from the heart. This does not give you the right to be cheap so put away that macaroni and the Elmer’s. Second you need to have an open ear to it. Girls tend to drop hints… or their version of them. You just need to be smart enough to hear for it. Third, do NOT get her a gift that is ultimately for you. This could include things like a new Wii, Xbox, Video games, tool kit, or new boobs. More times guys want this instead of the girls…. Go figure.
So do something that you know she would like. This could be doing a romantic night out or in, a fun interesting date, a great gift, a hilarious gag (if that’s her personality). But honestly the best thing is that you remembered (especially if it’s on your own)
Billy: Hmmm, good question. Because two total strangers are more qualified to tell you what to get your girl than you are. Isn’t she supposed to be your SIGNIFICANT other? I mean, geez. I don’t even know the girl!
But I guess I’m required to help you with this. Lovely. Well I know what I want for my birthday. A dildo. I don’t know how good you breeders are in the sack, but a self-pleasure implement can never go wrong. Unless your girlfriend is a prude. Sucks for you!
If you’re uncomfortable with the boyfriend-sans-voice idea (that’s boyfriend replacement if you’re too dull to understand simple Latin), then I must agree with my kindlier colleague on the jewelry idea. Don’t go cheap though. The ladies (and myself) deserve a little something now and then for what we put up with. Such as this bullshit letter. I mean REALLY!
This has been an episode of Billy & Blake: Bitchy and Besty. To submit a question to us please email us at billyandblake@gmail.com (no periods cuz we aren’t those kind of bitches) or at http://www.formspring.me/billyandblake
My girlfriend’s birthday is coming up and I don’t know what to give her. I want her to never forget the evening. Do you have any ideas?
Totally Useless
Blake: Well Useless you have called the right queens for this job. Welcome to Billy & Blake’s One Stop Shop for the Fabulous and Unforgettable Gifts. Let’s see we are fresh out of Amazing African Safaris…. Oprah and Gale took the last one… and we are plumb out of Beautiful Boat Trips…. You could go for the never forgettable carats, carats and carats…. But only if you mean to put a ring on it.
But seriously before we start this thing out right and get doves (they take so freaking long to plan for you have NO idea) Lets start out by starting out that you, sir, are NOT completely useless. I mean you remember your special lady’s birthday. That is quite an accomplishment for a straight man on his own, unless her mother, best friend and she have all been bugging you up the wazoo…. Or that you wrote this email to us the day of … in which case… well honestly my dear you are screwed more than the evil witch of the west in a downpour.
First off gifts need to come from the heart. This does not give you the right to be cheap so put away that macaroni and the Elmer’s. Second you need to have an open ear to it. Girls tend to drop hints… or their version of them. You just need to be smart enough to hear for it. Third, do NOT get her a gift that is ultimately for you. This could include things like a new Wii, Xbox, Video games, tool kit, or new boobs. More times guys want this instead of the girls…. Go figure.
So do something that you know she would like. This could be doing a romantic night out or in, a fun interesting date, a great gift, a hilarious gag (if that’s her personality). But honestly the best thing is that you remembered (especially if it’s on your own)
Billy: Hmmm, good question. Because two total strangers are more qualified to tell you what to get your girl than you are. Isn’t she supposed to be your SIGNIFICANT other? I mean, geez. I don’t even know the girl!
But I guess I’m required to help you with this. Lovely. Well I know what I want for my birthday. A dildo. I don’t know how good you breeders are in the sack, but a self-pleasure implement can never go wrong. Unless your girlfriend is a prude. Sucks for you!
If you’re uncomfortable with the boyfriend-sans-voice idea (that’s boyfriend replacement if you’re too dull to understand simple Latin), then I must agree with my kindlier colleague on the jewelry idea. Don’t go cheap though. The ladies (and myself) deserve a little something now and then for what we put up with. Such as this bullshit letter. I mean REALLY!
This has been an episode of Billy & Blake: Bitchy and Besty. To submit a question to us please email us at billyandblake@gmail.com (no periods cuz we aren’t those kind of bitches) or at http://www.formspring.me/billyandblake
Monday, January 17, 2011
Naturally Reclaiming Your Ipod
In relationships we all have baggage, whether you have been married for 20 years and you keep your first boyfriend’s letters to you or his class ring, or if it is something like smelling an A&F store and being reminded of Charlie the high school crush/best friend who you wish and hoped for but never got.
As we are in the digital age our baggage goes digital as well. Mix-tapes and CDs have been replaced by iPod playlists. Facebook relationships declare people being “official” and often come long before we get the bridal registry. Tweets about the sweet romantic gesture Joe made or a YouTube rant of someone crying under a bed sheet telling Josh what a MAJOR DBAG HE IS FOR BREAKING UP VIA A FACEBOOK MESSAGE! I mean seriously what is a boy to do? Our lives get filled up with all this excess data.
I’m no different. I’m an MP3 Junkie. I love music. I steal it from people and it reminds me of them later. Does this mean I am in love with all these people? No. I mean I have songs that remind me of my mother…and that’s just gross.
However, there are some songs that remind me of crushes and exes. Entry one from this series and the first boy to the chopping block is Josh. Yes, in fact, he is the dbag I was talking about earlier. While I didn’t make a YouTube video about his internet breakup, it still hurt like hell. Yet despite that series of unfortunate events, I have Selena Gomez’s Naturally still on my iPod, a song that he liked a lot and exposed me to.
As I listen to this song on my commute and think about Josh and our relationship I am struck one thing about this song: how ironic it is because I believe my relationship with Josh was the most unnatural thing there was. This song talks about people being natural when expressing themselves in a relationship. He wasn’t himself.
We met on an online dating site and I scored some tickets to see Cats in Chicago. Gentlemen take it from me, taking your date to see a whole bunch of people dance around in tights is not the best first date. But he kept going for it. We kept dating even though I noticed that he was visibly uncomfortable being out in public as boyfriends. This boy was definitely in the closet… not Narnia deep, but was definitely finding many Xmas gifts.
Our relationship didn’t work and it is quite obvious to me why it didn’t. I think Josh realized that he wasn’t expressing himself and that the relationship wasn’t natural. So he decided to break it off.
But I guess this song just reminds me ultimately that relationships 1) need to come naturally and 2) that I am still waiting for the thunder.
Sweet Dreams Boys
~Cary Thomas~
Monday, January 10, 2011
Review: House of Usher AKA The Haus of Beefcake
I would like to start this review out by saying that yes indeed this is a horror film. However that being said if you are truly scared of horror films this one will not do it. In the age of SAW 1000 if you are not scared of a tiny spider I highly doubt this film will scare you. The trailer is scarier than the actual film.
That being said this is a long line of David Decoteau's budget horror films: Creepozoids and parts of the Puppet Master series, and campy sexy lady movies of the 80's, Beach Babes from Beyond and Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama. This is based on the story from Edgar Allan Poe story "The Fall of the House of Usher". Now for you youngsters and illiterates out there, Edgar Allen Poe has been considered one of the great literary figures of all time. His amazing stories were ahead of their time and were so comparatively dark you would think Donnie Darko was his grandchild. And for those of you who don't know who Donnie is you seriously need to watch more Jake Gyllenhaal movies besides Brokeback Mountain. And if you don't know who either one of those people are you must have been living under a rock or need to learn to learn actor's names if you are going to fantasize about them. I mean it’s only polite!
Anyways the basic plot is Victor Reynolds, seen in the clip below, comes to this grand mansion to see his sick hermit friend Roderick Usher and care for him the only way a man can care for another man... by making out with him multiple times in nothing but underwear... and then with his sister, causing her to have a seizure/orgasm/vision as all women do. Or so I’m led to believe. But something doesn't seem right in the house. Maybe it’s the random underwear clad men covered in blood running through the halls?... or the extra number of hands in the bathtub. But maybe my plumber isn't doing a good job? Anyways, to prevent himself from roaming the halls naked searching aimlessly for sex/a murder, Victor has to get out of there!
Watching this interpretation butcher Mr. Poe into some D grade ground chuck was so horrible it was actually quite funny to watch. The plot: predictable with more gratuitous beefcake action than a gay rodeo. Acting: tough, hard to swallow and horrible like a burned and over cooked brisket from crazy Aunt Sally. The only redeeming quality that because of both the poor acting and predictable plot the movie is easy to laugh at with friends. I mean the only other way to get through it is to treat the men of this film like meat... which is the only way I think it sold a single copy.... or how I personally got through it.
For an example of the beefcake action, unfortunately not the bloody spirits that looked like they took off Lady Gaga's meat dress, see the clip below of Victor and a run in he has around the house. I mean isn't this what happens every Monday night where you live?
Sweet Dreams Boys
~Cary Thomas~
Monday, January 3, 2011
Welcome to Media Monday
Greetings everyone, Cary Thomas here and welcome to Media Monday. Each week I will be bringing you something amazing and fabulous in the form of music, a movie review, or other form of media that is yet to be determined by the population at large. I plan on doing some other guest writings here on HIJKevin so I look forward to getting feedback.
This week I am bringing the amazing Keri Hilson and her new single "Pretty Girl Rock". Below is her music video which is pretty spectacular as well as the music. This girl has come a long way from singing "The Way I Are" with Timbaland. Her song writing ability (cause for songs like Gimme More sung by Britney Spears and Take me as I Am sung by Mary J. Blige) is what is gonna keep this girl popping up in the pop world.
~Cary Thomas~
This week I am bringing the amazing Keri Hilson and her new single "Pretty Girl Rock". Below is her music video which is pretty spectacular as well as the music. This girl has come a long way from singing "The Way I Are" with Timbaland. Her song writing ability (cause for songs like Gimme More sung by Britney Spears and Take me as I Am sung by Mary J. Blige) is what is gonna keep this girl popping up in the pop world.
~Cary Thomas~
My friend fuckface
So I’m driving home from work today, as I often do. I’m house and dog sitting for my aunt and uncle while they’re on vacation, those lucky bastards. There’s on section of road (one lane) after a state highway on which everyone drives interminably slow. Usually I get stuck behind one of these fucktards and my commute takes about 15 minutes longer than necessary. Honestly I don’t see what’s so difficult about going at LEAST the speed limit of 45, but apparently some people have faulty accelerators. Don’t let them go above 38.
Today I was miraculously lucky and managed to get ahead of the pack. Actually I was kind of a bitch. Right before it dropped to one lane I switched into the ending lane and sped up as quickly as I could and cut off the guy in the other lane. Fucker tried to make a race of it. He would have won, if he’d accelerated all the way to 45, but again he was one of those dumbasses that couldn’t quite manage it.
So I’m at the head of a ridiculously long line of cars, most of which aren’t even going 40mph in the 45mph zone. Being the amazing driver I am, I’m going 55. And then the prick behind me decides that I’m not going fast enough. At first I’m stunned, I didn’t know anyone besides myself and my family knew how to drive on this particular road. But then I got pretty angry. 55mph not fast enough for someone in a 45mph zone? Sucks for you buddy.
So what does my bitchy self decide to do in this situation? I slow down of course. My bitchy foot lifts off the accelerator and I begin to drop down to 40. Tee hee, take that FUCKFACE! Of course fuckface isn’t thrilled with now going only 40. 55 is much better than 40, but if you’re going to be a dick then I will too.
Fuckface is even more irritated now, I can’t even see his headlights because he’s so close. Meh, he shouldn’t have tailgated me. NOT MY PROBLEM! My turn approaches and I turn on my blinker. I also (tee hee) slow down further. Man, fuckface is not happy! As soon as I pull into the left turn lane fuckface speeds by me. As he passes I do the last bitchy thing I can in this situation and flip him the bird. Bye fuckface! It was nice to piss you off! I hope you have a lovely time with the driver in front of me that was only doing 42!
Today I was miraculously lucky and managed to get ahead of the pack. Actually I was kind of a bitch. Right before it dropped to one lane I switched into the ending lane and sped up as quickly as I could and cut off the guy in the other lane. Fucker tried to make a race of it. He would have won, if he’d accelerated all the way to 45, but again he was one of those dumbasses that couldn’t quite manage it.
So I’m at the head of a ridiculously long line of cars, most of which aren’t even going 40mph in the 45mph zone. Being the amazing driver I am, I’m going 55. And then the prick behind me decides that I’m not going fast enough. At first I’m stunned, I didn’t know anyone besides myself and my family knew how to drive on this particular road. But then I got pretty angry. 55mph not fast enough for someone in a 45mph zone? Sucks for you buddy.
So what does my bitchy self decide to do in this situation? I slow down of course. My bitchy foot lifts off the accelerator and I begin to drop down to 40. Tee hee, take that FUCKFACE! Of course fuckface isn’t thrilled with now going only 40. 55 is much better than 40, but if you’re going to be a dick then I will too.
Fuckface is even more irritated now, I can’t even see his headlights because he’s so close. Meh, he shouldn’t have tailgated me. NOT MY PROBLEM! My turn approaches and I turn on my blinker. I also (tee hee) slow down further. Man, fuckface is not happy! As soon as I pull into the left turn lane fuckface speeds by me. As he passes I do the last bitchy thing I can in this situation and flip him the bird. Bye fuckface! It was nice to piss you off! I hope you have a lovely time with the driver in front of me that was only doing 42!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)