I would like to start this review out by saying that yes indeed this is a horror film. However that being said if you are truly scared of horror films this one will not do it. In the age of SAW 1000 if you are not scared of a tiny spider I highly doubt this film will scare you. The trailer is scarier than the actual film.
That being said this is a long line of David Decoteau's budget horror films: Creepozoids and parts of the Puppet Master series, and campy sexy lady movies of the 80's, Beach Babes from Beyond and Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama. This is based on the story from Edgar Allan Poe story "The Fall of the House of Usher". Now for you youngsters and illiterates out there, Edgar Allen Poe has been considered one of the great literary figures of all time. His amazing stories were ahead of their time and were so comparatively dark you would think Donnie Darko was his grandchild. And for those of you who don't know who Donnie is you seriously need to watch more Jake Gyllenhaal movies besides Brokeback Mountain. And if you don't know who either one of those people are you must have been living under a rock or need to learn to learn actor's names if you are going to fantasize about them. I mean it’s only polite!
Anyways the basic plot is Victor Reynolds, seen in the clip below, comes to this grand mansion to see his sick hermit friend Roderick Usher and care for him the only way a man can care for another man... by making out with him multiple times in nothing but underwear... and then with his sister, causing her to have a seizure/orgasm/vision as all women do. Or so I’m led to believe. But something doesn't seem right in the house. Maybe it’s the random underwear clad men covered in blood running through the halls?... or the extra number of hands in the bathtub. But maybe my plumber isn't doing a good job? Anyways, to prevent himself from roaming the halls naked searching aimlessly for sex/a murder, Victor has to get out of there!
Watching this interpretation butcher Mr. Poe into some D grade ground chuck was so horrible it was actually quite funny to watch. The plot: predictable with more gratuitous beefcake action than a gay rodeo. Acting: tough, hard to swallow and horrible like a burned and over cooked brisket from crazy Aunt Sally. The only redeeming quality that because of both the poor acting and predictable plot the movie is easy to laugh at with friends. I mean the only other way to get through it is to treat the men of this film like meat... which is the only way I think it sold a single copy.... or how I personally got through it.
For an example of the beefcake action, unfortunately not the bloody spirits that looked like they took off Lady Gaga's meat dress, see the clip below of Victor and a run in he has around the house. I mean isn't this what happens every Monday night where you live?
Sweet Dreams Boys
~Cary Thomas~
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