My friend fuckface

So I’m driving home from work today, as I often do. I’m house and dog sitting for my aunt and uncle while they’re on vacation, those lucky bastards. There’s on section of road (one lane) after a state highway on which everyone drives interminably slow. Usually I get stuck behind one of these fucktards and my commute takes about 15 minutes longer than necessary. Honestly I don’t see what’s so difficult about going at LEAST the speed limit of 45, but apparently some people have faulty accelerators. Don’t let them go above 38.

Today I was miraculously lucky and managed to get ahead of the pack. Actually I was kind of a bitch. Right before it dropped to one lane I switched into the ending lane and sped up as quickly as I could and cut off the guy in the other lane. Fucker tried to make a race of it. He would have won, if he’d accelerated all the way to 45, but again he was one of those dumbasses that couldn’t quite manage it.

So I’m at the head of a ridiculously long line of cars, most of which aren’t even going 40mph in the 45mph zone. Being the amazing driver I am, I’m going 55. And then the prick behind me decides that I’m not going fast enough. At first I’m stunned, I didn’t know anyone besides myself and my family knew how to drive on this particular road. But then I got pretty angry. 55mph not fast enough for someone in a 45mph zone? Sucks for you buddy.

So what does my bitchy self decide to do in this situation? I slow down of course. My bitchy foot lifts off the accelerator and I begin to drop down to 40. Tee hee, take that FUCKFACE! Of course fuckface isn’t thrilled with now going only 40. 55 is much better than 40, but if you’re going to be a dick then I will too.

Fuckface is even more irritated now, I can’t even see his headlights because he’s so close. Meh, he shouldn’t have tailgated me. NOT MY PROBLEM! My turn approaches and I turn on my blinker. I also (tee hee) slow down further. Man, fuckface is not happy! As soon as I pull into the left turn lane fuckface speeds by me. As he passes I do the last bitchy thing I can in this situation and flip him the bird. Bye fuckface! It was nice to piss you off! I hope you have a lovely time with the driver in front of me that was only doing 42!